went to see "Dr. Smith" today.
considering he is a psychologist, he is rather
peculiar.

in the waiting room i met the most strange of men,
blue collar worker, late thirties, sketchy in the worst of ways.
he started telling me about model planes in this magazine which turned into
model cars turned into
his son turned into
leaving his wife turned into
him weeping over a picture of eight year old "chance" and finding symbolism in the image.
"see how it's folded in four ways?
THIS LINE divides me and my wife and
THIS LINE leaves my kid isolated and this all
sucks
very much."

i'm not sure what to think of such things.

busy busy busy little bee i am,
play practice till 5 everyday for the rest of eternity,
then go search three stores,
THREE STORES,
for california rolls.
finally settled on the brown rice kind from ukrops and i am no longer satisfied.
a little dry, you know?

in other news, i got into longwood university today.
cow pasture partyin'? i think not. still banking on UMW.

write what you know

senior year is not peaches and cream.
i never see you anymore,
or you,
or you (and that makes me angry)
and i never even hear from YOU.

i guess i've related it to purgatory, last year was the good life and next year is salvation and right now i'm floating in blank matter...

and its not that i want to be whiny,
sniffly, bitchy, nervous,
anxious, huffy, sadsadsad,
and it's not that i don't love the people who love me back right now and who i surround myself with, it's just that chesterfield became

stale crackers in my mouth
a movie watched one too many times
a book that grows exhausting with each page,

and while all of you made your escape

well. i'm still here.
if you want to keep the connection, i'm where i've always been.